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Sunday, January 19, 2014

My Lord says ... John 1:29-34


John the Baptist saw Jesus coming toward him and said,  

“Behold, the Lamb of God, 
who takes away the sin of the world."

He is the one of whom I said, ‘A man is coming after me who ranks ahead of me because He existed before me.’  I did not know Him, but the reason why I came baptizing with water was that He might be made known to Israel.”  John testified further, saying, “I saw the Spirit come down like a dove from heaven and remain upon Him.  I did not know Him, but the One who sent me to baptize with water told me, 

"On whomever you see the Spirit come down and remain, 
He is the One who will baptize with the Holy Spirit.’  
Now I have seen and testified that He is the Son of God.”

Where Jesus, my Lord, is
When I was still small, one of my aunts usually would take me to the Church to attend the Sunday Mass.  This aunt, who took care of me whenever my mother was out working, taught me how to pray the Holy Rosary. She was the one who opened my eyes and brought me close to who God is.  I would kneel down and pray the Holy Rosary while the Mass was going on.  I was told that Jesus is present in the Holy Eucharist. So I always look at the Holy Eucharist as the priest raises it to let people see it. I get distracted with my praying the Holy Rosary when people line up to receive it. With my young mind getting curious, I asked this, “When can I receive it also? How does it taste?” I got familiar with going to the church every Sunday.  But one time, my aunt didn’t take me with her to church and  I cried. My thinking then was that Jesus was just there inside a tabernacle in the church and I didn’t like to miss seeing Him during Sunday mass. But that was many years ago…..

As I get older, my thinking about Jesus became different. I still pray, but not daily the Holy Rosary. I’ve been through ups and downs in my life.  I never complained to Him where was He during those times, only until when my eldest brother died more than 2 years ago.  I begun questioning why He let these things happened to us and said this – “Because You took my father away from me even before I was born and then You’ve taken my eldest brother away, too, who’s going to be the next one in the family to be taken away from me?   Why? Why? Why? That was all I cried out…

At the end, I realized that I should not have questioned Him about His will.  I came to realize that my grief and sufferings couldn’t even equal His own sufferings when He became human and lived on this earth.  Because of this realization,  the more I become prayerful and always say the Holy Rosary everyday.  Unlike before, I become more open to Him about what’s in my heart and mind – more like having personal relationship with Him and not just having a ritual prayer.  And I still cry and cry a lot when I’m whole being is getting disturbed emotionally again and again.  The difference now is I know where  Jesus, my Lord, is and not just inside a tabernacle in a church. 

" I will sing of your salvation. In you, O Lord, I take refuge; let me never be put to shame. In your justice rescue me and deliver me; incline your ear to me, and save me. Be my rock of refuge, a stronghold to give me safety, for you are rock and my fortress. O my God, rescue me from the hand of the wicked. For you are my hope, O Lord, my trust, O God from my youth. On you I depend my birth; from my mother's womb, you are my strength. My mouth shall declare your justice, day by day your salvation. O God, you have taught me from my youth, and till the present I proclaim your wondrous deeds."

Psalm 71:1-2, 3-4a

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